Toon Theology

Verses everyone quotes out of context

Illustrated Bible · 7 verses

Scaffold. The 'how it is usually used' lines are fair descriptions of ordinary use, not caricatures of anyone. The 'what it is doing there' lines are mine and are checkable against the passage — check them.

Not a list of people being wrong. Every verse here is loved for a reason, and in most cases the real setting is better than the borrowed one — harder, but better.

A verse lifted out of its paragraph keeps its words and loses its job. Usually the loss is invisible, because the borrowed meaning is comforting and the original was doing something more demanding.

So the question under each one is not "is this true?" but "what is this sentence for, where it sits?"

01

Plans to prosper you

How it is usually used

Read as a personal promise that God intends a good outcome — a career, a move, a recovery.

What it is doing there

It is a line from a letter to people who have just been deported to Babylon, and the sentence immediately before it says the wait is seventy years. The 'you' is plural throughout: a nation, not a reader.

Most of the people first told this would die in Babylon. The promise is that the nation has a future, and that the future is not a quick rescue — the same letter tells them to build houses and plant gardens where they are.

Jeremiah 29:11intermediate

כִּי֩kîthatאָנֹכִ֨יʾānōkîiיָדַ֜עְתִּיyādaʿttîknowאֶתʾet<object marker>הַha-theמַּחֲשָׁבֹ֗תmaḥăšābōtthoughtאֲשֶׁ֧רʾăšer<relative>אָנֹכִ֛יʾānōkîiחֹשֵׁ֥בḥōšēbaccountעֲלֵיכֶ֖םʿălēykemuponנְאֻםnəʾumspeechיְהוָ֑הyəhwāhYHWHמַחְשְׁבֹ֤ותmaḥšəbôtthoughtשָׁלֹום֙šālômpeaceוְwə-andלֹ֣אlōʾnotלְlə-toרָעָ֔הrāʿāhevilלָlā-toתֵ֥תtētgiveלָכֶ֖םlākemtoאַחֲרִ֥יתʾaḥărîtendוְwə-andתִקְוָֽהtiqwāhhope
Read aloud — modern Israeli pronunciation, not reconstructed Biblical. Good for hearing the consonants and the shape of the word; it ignores the cantillation.
KJVFor I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Vocabulary — 2 word(s) occurring 50 times or fewer

  • מַּחֲשָׁבֹ֗תמחשׁבה · thought · 49×maḥăšābōt · subs f pl a
  • תִקְוָֽהתקוה · hope · 36×tiqwāh · subs f sg a
02

I can do all things

How it is usually used

Printed on sports kit and read as strength for achieving whatever is attempted.

What it is doing there

The verse before it lists what the 'all things' are: being brought low and abounding, being full and being hungry. It is a sentence about contentment in circumstances that cannot be changed.

Paul writes it from prison, thanking a church for money. The strength in view is the strength to be content with less, which is nearly the opposite of the usual reading.

Philippians 4:13intermediate

πάνταpantaall, the whole, every kind ofἰσχύωischyōam strong, ableἐνenin, on, amongτῷtōtheἐνδυναμοῦντίendynamountifill with power, strengthenμεmeI
Read aloud — modern Greek pronunciation, not reconstructed Koine — so η, ι and υ all sound alike, which they did not in the first century. Good for the shape of the word.
KJVI can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Vocabulary — 2 word(s) occurring 50 times or fewer

  • ἰσχύωἰσχύω · am strong, able · 28×ischyō · verb present p1 sg
  • ἐνδυναμοῦντίἐνδυναμόω · fill with power, strengthen · 7×endynamounti · verb present m sg
03

Where two or three are gathered

How it is usually used

Quoted to reassure a small prayer meeting that God is present even though few came.

What it is doing there

It sits at the end of a paragraph about confronting someone who has sinned, where two or three are the witnesses required before the matter goes to the church.

The comfort it actually offers is to people doing something painful — church discipline — not to people worried about attendance. God's presence is promised for the hard conversation.

Matthew 18:20beginner

οὗhouwhere, whither, whenγάρgarforεἰσινeisinam, existδύοdyotwoἢēor, thanτρεῖςtreisthreeσυνηγμένοιsynēgmenoigather togetherεἰςeisinto, in, among, till, forτὸtotheἐμὸνemonmineὄνομαonomaname, character, reputationἐκεῖekeithere, yonder, thitherεἰμιeimiam, existἐνenin, on, amongμέσῳmesōmiddle, in the middleαὐτῶνautōnhe, she, it, they, them, same
Read aloud — modern Greek pronunciation, not reconstructed Koine — so η, ι and υ all sound alike, which they did not in the first century. Good for the shape of the word.
Reading, word by wordwhere, whither, when for am, exist two or, than three gather together into, in, among, till, for the mine name, character, reputation there, yonder, thither am, exist in, on, among middle, in the middle he, she, it, they, them, same

No English for this verse — the KJV table in the corpus covers 27,326 verses of 31,102 and this one falls in the gap. Other languages held: fr, id, ja, tl. The line above is the glosses in order, not a translation.

Vocabulary — 1 word(s) occurring 50 times or fewer

  • οὗοὗ · where, whither, when · 25×hou · conjunction
04

Before I formed you in the womb

How it is usually used

Read as a statement about every person: that God knew and planned each of us before birth.

What it is doing there

It is Jeremiah's call to a specific office. The second half of the verse names it: appointed a prophet to the nations.

The wider truth people draw from it is taught elsewhere. But here the point is that Jeremiah cannot decline on the grounds of youth, because the appointment predates him — and what he is being appointed to is forty years of being ignored.

Jeremiah 1:5advanced

בְּbə-inטֶ֨רֶםṭerembeginningאצורךʾṣwrkshapeבַba-in-theבֶּ֨טֶן֙beṭenbellyיְדַעְתִּ֔יךָyədaʿttîkāknowוּū-andבְbə-inטֶ֛רֶםṭerembeginningתֵּצֵ֥אtēṣēʾgo outמֵmē-fromרֶ֖חֶםreḥemwombהִקְדַּשְׁתִּ֑יךָhiqddašttîkābe holyנָבִ֥יאnābîʾprophetלַla-to-theגֹּויִ֖םgôyimpeopleנְתַתִּֽיךָnətattîkāgive
Read aloud — modern Israeli pronunciation, not reconstructed Biblical. Good for hearing the consonants and the shape of the word; it ignores the cantillation.
KJVBefore I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

Grammar

  • הִקְדַּשְׁתִּ֑יךָ — hifil — causative: “caused to …”
05

Train up a child

How it is usually used

Taken as a guarantee: raise them right and they will return to faith eventually.

What it is doing there

It is a proverb, and proverbs state what is generally so, not what is always so. The same book says a soft answer turns away wrath — which is usually true and sometimes gets you shouted at.

Read as a promise, it becomes a verdict on every grieving parent whose child has walked away. Read as a proverb, it is what it is: wise, general, and not a contract.

Proverbs 22:6beginner

חֲנֹ֣ךְḥănōkdedicateלַ֭la-to-theנַּעַרnaʿarboyעַלʿaluponפִּ֣יpîmouthדַרְכֹּ֑וdarkkôwayגַּ֥םgamevenכִּֽיkîthatיַ֝זְקִ֗יןyazqînbe oldלֹֽאlōʾnotיָס֥וּרyāsūrturn asideמִמֶּֽנָּהmimmennāhfrom
Read aloud — modern Israeli pronunciation, not reconstructed Biblical. Good for hearing the consonants and the shape of the word; it ignores the cantillation.
KJVTrain up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Vocabulary — 1 word(s) occurring 50 times or fewer

  • חֲנֹ֣ךְחנך · dedicate · 5×ḥănōk · verb qal impv p2 m sg

Grammar

  • יַ֝זְקִ֗ין — hifil — causative: “caused to …”
06

All things work together for good

How it is usually used

Offered at funerals and in crises to mean that things will turn out well.

What it is doing there

The next verse defines the good: to be conformed to the image of his Son. That is the outcome being promised, and the Son's own road went through Gethsemane.

It is not a claim that the bad thing was secretly good, nor that a better outcome is coming. It says the material is not wasted. Said too early, it functions as a request that the grieving person stop.

Romans 8:28advanced

Οἴδαμενoidamenknow, rememberδὲdebut, on the other hand, andὅτιhotithat, since, becauseτοῖςtoistheἀγαπῶσιagapōsiloveτὸνtontheθεὸνtheonGod, godπάνταpantaall, the whole, every kind ofσυνεργεῖsynergeiwork togetherεἰςeisinto, in, among, till, forἀγαθόνagathongoodτοῖςtoistheκατὰkatadown from, against, according to, throughout, duringπρόθεσινprothesinshow-bread, predeterminationκλητοῖςklētoiscalled, summonedοὖσινousinam, exist
Read aloud — modern Greek pronunciation, not reconstructed Koine — so η, ι and υ all sound alike, which they did not in the first century. Good for the shape of the word.
KJVAnd we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Vocabulary — 3 word(s) occurring 50 times or fewer

  • συνεργεῖσυνεργέω · work together · 5×synergei · verb present p3 sg
  • πρόθεσινπρόθεσις · show-bread, predetermination · 12×prothesin · noun f sg
  • κλητοῖςκλητός · called, summoned · 10×klētois · adjective m pl
07

Be still, and know

How it is usually used

An invitation to quiet contemplation, printed over a photograph of a lake.

What it is doing there

The verb הַרְפּוּ is closer to 'let go' or 'stop' — drop your weapons. The psalm is about wars ceasing, bows broken, chariots burned, and the line is addressed to the raging nations, not to a person seeking calm.

The command is 'stop fighting and see who I am'. That is a harder and more interesting sentence than the one on the poster, and it is still available to anyone who is exhausted from struggling.

Psalms 46:10advanced

מַשְׁבִּ֥יתmašbbîtceaseמִלְחָמֹות֮milḥāmôtwarעַדʿaduntoקְצֵ֢הqəṣēhendהָ֫hā-theאָ֥רֶץʾāreṣearthקֶ֣שֶׁתqešetbowיְ֭שַׁבֵּרyəšabbērbreakוְwə-andקִצֵּ֣ץqiṣṣēṣcutחֲנִ֑יתḥănîtspearעֲ֝גָלֹ֗ותʿăgālôtchariotיִשְׂרֹ֥ףyiśrōpburnבָּbā-in-theאֵֽשׁʾēšfire
Read aloud — modern Israeli pronunciation, not reconstructed Biblical. Good for hearing the consonants and the shape of the word; it ignores the cantillation.
Reading, word by wordcease war unto end the earth bow break and cut spear chariot burn in the fire

No English for this verse — the KJV table in the corpus covers 27,326 verses of 31,102 and this one falls in the gap. Other languages held: fr. The line above is the glosses in order, not a translation.

Vocabulary — 3 word(s) occurring 50 times or fewer

  • קִצֵּ֣ץקצץ · cut · 15×qiṣṣēṣ · verb piel perf p3 m sg
  • חֲנִ֑יתחנית · spear · 47×ḥănît · subs f sg a
  • עֲ֝גָלֹ֗ותעגלה · chariot · 39×ʿăgālôt · subs f pl a

Grammar

  • מַשְׁבִּ֥ית — hifil — causative: “caused to …”
  • יְ֭שַׁבֵּר — piel — intensive or factitive

How to check any of this

None of these readings is a secret. They are what anyone finds by reading the paragraph the verse sits in — which is the only method this whole section uses, and the only one it asks of you.